Wow...What a day.....(written originally on 7th march)

Hmmm...Great!!I really don`t know what to call this day...What to write.....What to say.....I guess this would be an interesting blog to read after wards...Because this will let me know how I write when I am not in my senses....Although my head is going heavy, My back is failing me, and my spirit is lagging behind, But my heart is making me go.And that is a big heart, because it comes from a big lady.I will put behind my sleep....to pen down the feelings of today...Although the feelings are much diluted now, But still today was no odinary day----But I am a very positive man and it is days like these that makes your life extraordinary???Right??WRONG!!It is not days like these...But how you get up from days like these that makes your life extraordinary....But let me begin and not continue to bore you(i.e if you have already not stopped reading it)...And if you have still not stopped reading it then it seems that you are not in your senses as well....And that makes us a great couple...So ride on and let me take you to a journey with two people who are madly in love with each other and not in their senses as well....Does being in love has anything to do with we being not in senses??I think Yes,....Because you are reading this blog(and hence proving that you are not in sense) because you love me...And me??I am not in my senses just because of the very thought of you.....Read on.....

1st MARCH, 07:

The series of events build up from here.....My daily planner had gone out for a vacation.....That meant I already had some thinking to do ----some reminders of exercises to be set...Some classes to attend....Some packing shacking to be done....Some things to be kept in mind...and applied..which I eventually didn`t...But this was not the saddest part...Infact this was the good part...The saddest or funnier??(what difference does it make anyway??Atleast by saying funny you can make people smile in anticipation of something funny...Saying sad makes them sad...) part comes now....

Isha messages me in afternoon...while I am in mess(Not to be taken literally here...I am in mess after all this l`ol...).I see to in anticipation...But I find out , "Shanu manu and mohita ko apne baarein bata doon??Trust me in ki wajah se kuch nahi hoga..."
..Hmmm..I ponder over it.O.k. I think...But then I don`t know why, But I have this very deep gut feeling that this is not O.K...once I tell it to Manu.
So I call her up and then I tell her, "Isha, please don`t tell them..I have no problem with Mohita...But Manu??No...".
She says, "Yeah Shanu...It is fine..Don`t need to say Pleazzz...It will always be our mutual discretion.." After reminding me about exerxises and classes ahead...the call is ended..

So far..so good...I just thought, "Why did she have to tell them??Why anyways??".After this I don`t pay heed to the reminders..and I miss the classes....I also miss one more thing apart from the classes---"Isha"....I have not talked to her today..Only 5 mins....No problem dude..I thought...You are going to meet her....

Then her call came at night, (Again when I was in mess) and I am seriously telling you how I reacted when your call came...I guess this is got to be one of the most craziest reactions I ever gave....This is what happened,...Your call came...I jumped up...Really...And then sprinted towards the mess exit...People around me were seeing with bulgeoning eyes...And as I picked up the phone I leaped into air and said ,"HIiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!", only to realise that now even the most uninterested ones became suddenly intrested!!...There was leap in my sprint and joy in my voice ...I could feel it then also...Then you told me some stories, about a boy being searched for Inu and etc etc......Then you took your time and dropped the bomb...You said, "Shanu Mujhe tumse bahut imp baat karni hai...Maine bata diya!!"...... I thought, "Ohhhhhh My God??Did she tell her parents..??Isha...Tumne parents ko bata diya??".
Isha said, "Nahin...Tum bahut gussa karoge..".
I guessed it!! I expected the bomb...I guessed it to perfection...But only I had not estimated the damage of the bomb....I guess nor u had...I guess I still am unable to......

That changed everything.....I thought.....First I say to you that "Mohita ko bataoogi??"
Then you say..."Nahin...Usko batane mein bahut risk hai....Mujhe pata hai ki agar usse kuch bhi bataya then she will tell it to her mummy...".
I say, "Fine.."
Now you yourself tell her..Will she not tell her Mummy now??Has she changed??Or what about that Manu??I trust you....And you trust him...But does that imply I ought to trust him??The world was blowing...as it usually does after a bomb...I became quirky...Impateint...Angry...Very Very angry...But what was the use of shouting then...??So I tried to control myself.....I didn`t want to make you cry...But still My temper got loose when you said, "Mujhe unhe dekh kar kuch bhi aisa nahi laga...Matlab woh serious the.....Seriously bata rahi hoon.....Aur unhone kya kya kiya.....Ye main tumhe baad mein bataaongi...."
What The fck???? I know I lost my temper slightly here...But still I am grateful to God that I didn`t loose my senses.....Because I know now and I knew then also...How damaging that could have been....This could have been very easily the second time when Isha Agarwal saw young angry and mindless man on fire...But thank God ki mera fuse nahi uda...And thank God hamne uss din jyada der baat nahi ki(This is the first time that I am glad that we talked less)...Warna pata nahi kya ho jaaata.....

Even As I put my phone down...I knew that Isha will cry (Inspite of my telling her..)..I also knew that the bomb usually stir everything around them and so will my emotions and thoughts..I was deep in thought...About what??You ask me??hmmm.....

1)About ki Why I didn`t want to tell it to Manu...??Why??I had no reason...I still haven`t one..This is one area where My reason and logic fail me...You trust Manu..And you are a reason enough in my life...So What exactly was it that was keeping me from telling it to Manu??Girls like him...koi kehta hai ki "Usme bahut pateince hai.." .
.But Why I don`t want to tell him this...???Was this only gut feeling??And if it is..Why is it sooooooo Strong that even I didn`t want to take your word for it??Don`t expect me to answer these questions...Ask the man who says ,"Life is simple..." Let the dog answer it......The only possible explanation I have been able to find out is that "I didn`t want to make a mockery of this relationship....So maybe..."..No further comments.

2)About Why ki mujhe tum par itna gussa kyun aaya??Kyun???Isme tumhari koi itni badi galti thodi thi??You just failed to control your emotion...??The answer is that I started to feel that day that another blot on the relationship has taken place....You let your relationship to be known to a devil....That is a good enuf blot....

3)About why ki I am in such a mood today?? :-|

4)And why are you crying now??The later part of the blog will resume...When u stop crying...

5)Is there a greater sin that we could do towards our parents..??We let it know to everyone in the world....our sisters....our friends....and now parents of our friends??But not our own??This is getting dirtier then expected??


MARCH 2,07:

Hmmm...I am informed by my parents that a letter has come from CBSE scholarship divison stating that In order to renew my scholarship I would have to get my marksheet signed by HOD....ooph....Daily Planner gone for a vacation....And now already so much work to do...Those heavy Xeroxes....And not to forget Packing...Haircut...Lab....Classes...2 assignments...And now this??OHh...Anyways,...I will manage..I run..I huff...I puff..But I manage it...Somehow..Although I miss 2 classes and don`t submit an assignment...BUt I manage to get on the train....The mood was dull...I don`t know why..??Maybe the twirls of the emotions were still there....But I know for sure that my heart was heavy.....Train:One hr late..Great Start....Then I get seated...And slowly and steadily..train moves..I talk to u in a very short talk...And then train becomes too steady for my liking....Bored..I think of the get together we were having…I don`t know why but yes the thought of get together made me think…It made me think of the possible events that might take place…One of them included everyone laughing at you and me….??Stop….Stop Shanu shanu…Don`t think…This can`t be..Stop the evil thought process…See outside..It was boring watching the shadows of the still window sill being formed on ground…Bored…I lie down...I watch a fight ensuing just down...Then I drift slowly to sleep at around 3:00......Now what happened in between ??I don`t know!!All I know is that of a dream….oooph…What an irony!! Here I was in my dreams seeing something so realistically which I never had….And in reality(That is if such a thing exists..) Something was happening to me as well….Something which never happened before….


March 3,07:

I wake up....Find out that train has been delayed by 6 Hrs....My briefcase and hence the laptop has been stolen..And I get Ashish in train by surprise!!Good one I thought….How wrong was I!! What is happening to him??I really don`t know…But something is going terribly wrong with him…Last time my Mom said it to me, “shantanu ashish ko kya ho raha hai??Mujhe pasand nahi aaya…”…But I didn`t listen to her then…But Now I realize…He is getting very narrow minded…I mean..His life??Talk about it….Ask him to get one…What is he doing??Anyways…Boringly I listen to some of his life fundas….Which didn`t match mine..And then I started,….For half an hour non-stop…I talked and he listened…I thought that would have made an difference in his life…Again..How Wrong was I!! What happens to him, whenever your call comes.??The look on his face..I didn’t get that…Not once..But your call came two times..Both times same look… It was like that of pure jealousy…Trust me..I know him… I really didn`t love it…But I thought that I am not loving any of the things around me either…So….Move on…

Anyways…I somehow moved to Najibabad….Great..I find my Baba there at station who was very serene looking….I don`t know why Ashish was finding the losing of baggage as funny??Is it supposed to be funny?? Or is my sense of humor so bad?? Or his?? Whatever it is ….All I know is that I was not able to understand the humor in the situation…apart from the fact that the life is funny…Anyways.. I ask ashish to come to my home at 4:00….And then we`ll go to the party….So my baba and I mount on a rickshaw with the only little baggage I was left with…Then some people blocked our rickshaw….Baba warned them not to apply colors…But they threw. Some on his…Wht the fck??I said…I blew off…..I shouted on one of them so hard that it really scared my Baba as well…But that was good..Atleast then they threw colors on my jacket rather than the baba…But you should have seen the smile on my face….This irritated them…They threw more colors and more the smile…And this was due to my resolution that “come what may I will smile,…..This is life my son..” ..Although our rickshaw passed the irritated and shouting crowd of gangsters,,…I realized that in this process I had also damaged my another loved possession---Jacket….They had colored it…..No probs my friends…Today is not my day…..

So I come home with a look of disbelief. I enter and so do the words of consolation in my ear from my mom and dadi..Dadi was busy in some ladoo making. I clinged to Mom..She hugged me so tightly and then she started crying..I was crying as well..But not with tears..Do I drink so little water??Anyways..I wiped out the tears and then had some pep talk as to how the things would be back to normal..how the life would be back to normal.. That was the point. Your life comes back to normal but the things do not. Anyways.. Then mom told me “Shantanu beta…Jaldi se khana khaa lo..Phir hum dono plot chalenge..” Phew!! What shall I do?? How shall I say that “Mom…Nahin..Mere friends ne party rakhi hai..I gotta go..”…But I gathered courage..You gave me that. There was a point when I had decided that I would go to plot and say nothing to mom.But then the very thought of you made me do this. Hmm.. I said, hesitantly “Mom…Aaj shayd mere friends ne party rakhi hai…Main wahan par bus half hr ke liye ho aaon??” Mom quickly agreed..Good. So I thought that the things are going to be better and the worst was over…How wrong was I again!! This day I had been wrong and wrong…..

So?? What shall I wear?? Nothing to wear apart from the shabby clothes I had put on during the journey. I thought ki kuch nahi hoga…koi kuch nahi kahega…This time for a change I was right!!. Ashish came to my house. The very look of him had made me furious. Shantanu/..?? What is happening to you?? He WAS your best friend..That "was" is very very significant in the line up….Anyways.. Things would be fine..I said to myself..As I moved to manu`s house..But they were not to be…As It turned out…It was the worst and the most devastating of all the bombs.. This one was deadly.. I had hardly recovered from the previous attacks and mini attacks and then this one unexpectedly blew me off…Let us find out how…

I and ashish reach to Manu`s house. I murmered to myself, “Shantanu sahi se behave karna..You already have not behaved properly with manu..You are here to repair things..Best of luck.” I slided the main entrance to his house..Then I rang the bell. But no sound….Or was there one and I failed to hear it??So quiet??IS party over??Anyways..A familiar stupid giggle of girl(s??) came from inside. I don`t know isha if that sound also involved you but that involved Mohita for sure and it made me angry…What the hell?? Girls will be girls….But anyways It let me know that the party was not yet over….So I enter with apprehension…Apprehensive about my looks…. MY dress… My style of walking because I was damn too tired….And most importantly about my behaviour..Because I knew that I was certainly not in a very great frame of mind. So keeping the apprehensions with me I moved in the room. Hmm.. There you were…There was mohita..There was Manu.. I heaved a sigh of relief.. Thank God..Only these people.This would help me get accustomed.. But what happened afterwards was :___________ I am unable to say that in a word…It needs some whacking and along with it some description….

What the hell was happening miss Isha?? What ?? There was a get together I suppose?? In the living room?? Or in the kitchen..?? You, Mohita , Manu and Apoorva seemed too interested in your own conversation that it made rest of the people (including me) look like unwanted… What the fuck?? You people need to talk secretely…Then meet at some other place…Some other time.. But you were the organizers of the party… And I also understand that you people had work in kitchen..But?? What?? You really don`t have to act like a bunch of kids… Do you?? See it was a get together.. Either you have to say things to everyone…Or shut up.???Tell what is happening to everyone… Mohita says, “Arre bhai..Wahan se uttho..That is Apoorva`s seat..On the right side.” There were people sitting there.. Both of them were made to get up from their seat without telling them what was going on..?? Himani twice asked for an explanation but you people were too damn busy laughing and enjoying your secrets that Who cared?? That was very very bad..You need to tell it to everybody what you were doing.. Theek hai..After party got over…I came to know that it was about sarabjeet…??Was it that big deal?? Wow!!…What a start to a get together..Where people are too busy enjoying their own talks rather than caring what the other persons are thinking….Good..

Then did you see me?? I mean..If you did..Then I am very sorry..I didn’t notice…Did you say anything to me?? Did you ever laugh with me?? It wasn`t the perfect setting for a date I suppose…But really it wasn`t perfect scene for me as well---Seeing that Miss Isha Agarwal is talking, seeing and laughing with everybody else except me .. It was fun actually.. Life is behaving funnily now a days…If this doesn`t give you an idea…I don`t have an idea…

So..The question arises what shall I do?? Who should I talk to?? Let us list down one by one each and every possibility…..

1)Himani :::: That would have pained you if I would have talked to her.Wouldn`t it miss?? So poor girl goes out of question,…..

2)Ashish:::: Talk to him?? about what??He doesn`t want to talk about college..about anything..Everything to him is a philosophy…The only thing you can talk to this fellow now a days is politics and cricket…Apart from that the poor brain of his fails him..PITY.

3)Mayank::::: He came too late…And even then..You can`t talk to him. It is only he who ould do all the talking.. You can only listen..

4)Anubhav ::::HE didn`t seem to be too interested in talking…Being with mayank for too long does this to people I guess….

5)Sarabjeet::::: Poor girl..If I would have spoken anything it seems as I would have troubled the serene soul..let her be in peace…

So who shall I talk to?? And of course …How could I forget…There were you, Manu, Mohita and Apoorva… But sorry..I thought coming to kitchen would make it a bit too crowded….So it was fun.. No one to talk to… Good..So I decided to force people to talk…I said.. “kuch batao yaar apne apne baarein mein…” Then this is what happened.

Pindrop silence. For a moment I thought that by mistake I had spoken out the series of gaalis which were in there my mind… But after ensuring that I hadn`t I said, “Kya hua??” Here is the series of conversation:

Apoorva:: “Main to teen baje se bol raha hoon..Main thak gaya..”

(Great Sir!! No body is forcing you to speak..I thought that sharing your own experiences makes people happy..)

Manu:: “Let us speak roll no. wise..”

(When he said that I was like “What??Did he say that” ..I was about to go in a fits of laughter..But I guess the day didn`t allow me to laugh…You have to grow up if you still talk like that..Anyways..I thought..”kuch to hoga….mujhe kuch bolna padega..”)

I said : Arre yaar..Jaise bhi bolna hai..Jaldi to bolo…

Then there were rounds of whisper and murmur as the dear folks sat on to decide who comes first roll no wise, as I sat in my seat frustrated….Anyways..After some intellectual discussion..Some holy soul says “Ashish”. I was glad.. Ooh.. Thank God..Now atleast some one will speak….But I have got a reputation for being wrong for nothing..Now ashish had started his some dumb argument as to why he was not the first roll no.!! Can you believe that we people are just about to complete graduation and you say it is government`s fault?? Tiny teety totter heads..Anyways….I kept quiet. After two minutes of thinking he speaks…Thank God…And he says, “Hamre haan abhi abhi fest hua tha…”

Then someone chips in, “Ab to isse burkho waalon ki adaat ho gayi hogi..” OHH GOD..FCK FUCK FUCK….When you are told to speak..no one will…But now everyone will..And then everyone went hysteric about how humorous the situation was..And then everyone kept on laughing….except ofcourse me.. After the highly intellectual discussion was over….I persuaded ashish to continue.. He says, “Aur kya??Cricket main first ball duck par out ho gaya…”.

Manu again chips in.. “Match ka kya hua??”.

Ashish :”Ab tu khud hi soch le…Agar opener ka ye haal hai..To baaki team ka kya hua hoga…”

OHH MY DEAR GOD…What has this to do??Where did this come from?? Ye kya tha mere bhai?? Cricket ke naye funde…Shanu beta sun.. gussa mat ho…Sun..These are the players who know cricket…And ashish says that he is the best batsman..??OHHH GOD…Kill me…Else these people will…
Anyways I again interrupt…and say ,”Arre yaar ashish tu bol..” He again continues..

“Aur kya batao..??” ..Silence…Pause…Murmur… “Aur kya..Aligarh mein dange ho gaye the,,”…Silence

…sahi hai beta…Kya baat hai.. I loose my patience…But I only say, “Wow!!Kuch aur bata bhai??”…Silence..

I say, “NEXT please…” ..

Then after another debate over who should speak comes manu`s turn. Thank God.He didn`t speak at all during whole party. Let him speak..He says, “Maine yaar..Do saal mein sirf dhakke khaye hai..Sirf dhakke…”

Wow…Ho gaya??No movies..??NO experiences??No girls??? NO fun??Or that maybe dhakke khaana is so much fun??So again a sound of, “NEXT??”

Then again a complicated discussion abt who the next should be issued…OH HH HH HH GOD…What a pack of people(hounds??).. What is happening.?? I loose my patience…I thought that I should interrupt the highly intense discussion and begin without warning..But I thought that I speak with consent of everyone…
So I say, “Main boloon??”.

People happily agreed…Wow!! I thought that this time I would go on and on..And things would be good..People would enjoy it..I would make my situation light..and not make the party gloomy…But how ..(Complete yourself!!)

I begin, “main kuch dino pehle tak bahut accha tha..”

Albino interferes..”Kuch dino pehle tak??Ab nahi ho??”.

Relax…Two deep breathes…No Mansi Verma part two…Relax… I politely tell her ,”If only u would allow me to continue further..”. Thank god. Silence. I begin again , “Main kuch dino pehle tak bahut accha tha..”

Mohita..Another holy soul interferes again, “Kuch dino pehle tak.??” ..HAAAN HAAN HAN>..kya kar logi??Jaan se maar dalogi ki ab kyun nahi hoon??IDIOTS>….MORONS…DAMN IT..FOOLS>….LET THE DOGS BARK PLEASE????? This turned me off a bit..and I decided that I won`t speak much..because the more I speak the more will they interfere,,,The more they do..The more irritated will I get. Anyways I continue..And I Tell people abt my lost laptop… People find it funny…IS it really that funny.?? The two bodies next to me had smiles on their faces..Hell broke loose…If I had not made a resolution that I am here to make some relations better, detoriation of which I was responsible, I would have shouted at that time so hard…But no shanu…People will think ki tu IITIAN hai..Dikha raha hai..Please shut up. So I did…..

And after that no one spoke…So..Now..What to do??

So I asked, “Accha kaun kaun si movies dekhi??Kissi ne koi acchi si movie dekhi??”

Sarabjeet said, “Vivah..It was good.”

Ashish retorted, “Vivah??Bakwaas thi…”
. Well said sir. What the fuck is your problem..??Are you mad??Are you crazy??The girl was putting her point and you made her shut up..And he says, “Sarabjeet bolti nahi.. Shantanu ke ghar par bhi get together huyi thi usme bhi nahi boli thi..”.

Atleast she doesn`t speaks all the nonsense that you do. Being shut is better than throwing out shit. And have you lost your nuts??Or have you lost it completely?? Why was the need of mentioning that “Shantanu ke ghar….” When you know that there were people whio were not invited there!!!Terrible times…. Then Inu came to my rescue, and said “Haan VivaH acchi thi…Maine bhi dekhi thi…Ab to main Nishabd dekhne jaaongi..I don`t like this concept..”

I interfered..”Hold on girl..Why don`t you like the concept??”

Inu said, “Arre this is so wrong..Teacher and a student..??”

I said, “Hold on..Did u watch black.??”

Inu said, “Yes I did.”

I said, “Did u like it??”

Inu said, “Yes I Did…But..In that movie Amitabh Bacchan was not married..”

Ashish interferes….”Arre inu chup ho jaa…Wooh apni philosophy jhadne lagega….”

I was in despair..Isme philosophy kahan se aa gayi….?? So o.k.. No philosophy…So silence….

Then I boringly ask, “Kissi ne koi interesting book padi.??”

Ashish again interferes, “Arre yaar jiss tarah ki philosophy tujhe acchi lagti hai uss tarah ki kissi aur ko nahi lagti…”

O.k..Sir..Accepted. I accept the fact that your I.Q is smaller than your shoe size..and that you should not strain you mind too much. Leave philosophy and I am glad that people like you don`t study philosophy.. Wish you a happy life sir…

The only option left was listen to the conversation..and chip in where ever necessary.. So there was a point when I thought that I would tell them about their experiences of techkriti..Mayank would chip in too..And that would help. But Ashish says, “Please ye baatein mat karo..Iss mein sab involved nahi the..”.

Himani chips in ,”Thank you Ashish”.

WOW!! Wow!! Wow!! What a mentality…?I like to hear things in which I am not involved up…I am not there..That is fun..listening to other people`s experiences…Learning from them..But no..These people want only those 10<sup>th</sup> class incidents which they spent together…In which we all were present..SO fuck you…I am not like you…I don`t want to be like you..Call it my attitude…my thinking..my being in IIT…..call it whatever you want to…Because I am not listening to you….FUCK YOU…HOPE YOU PEOPLE GO AHEAD WITH THIS ATTITUDE…

And yeah..if IIT has made me think like this…Then THANK YOU IIT…

Then there was the time when I decided to talk to people individually rather than as a group…So I asked inu..”aur inu..kya kar rahi thi..???”

She said, “Pada rahi thi manas ko..Uske exams chal rahe the..”

I asked, “Kya pada rahi thi??”

Mayank laughed..So did ashish…Ashish says, “Ab ye bhi pooch kaise pada rahi thi??Aur phir ye bhi bata ki aise nahin aise padana chaiye…Yaar tujhe bus intellectual topic ke alawa kuch aur baat aati nahi kya??"...Yes Sir…I beg to differ…It is not that I am saying that you need to talk intellectually everytime nor do I need an intellectual topic to speak to…BUT YES I NEED A TOPIC..I Can`t talk mindlessly…I can`t just go on…What do u mean by intellectual topic?? A topic which requires usage of brain when you speak..?? Does it??So you people want to speak without applying brain?? What shall I say?? As usual…Best of luck.. I had been wrong through out this day..But At this time I could not have been more sure of my correctness..

Then there is no need to describe the rest of the get together…. Food came…It was good..Although I had not eaten anything but I told lie and said, “Ki maine kahya hua hai..” Because I didn`t feel like eating it…Ashish at one point said, “Tum kuch lete kyun nahin??” Himani laughed.. Then I thought the same,, “Ki tum log bhi kuch lete kyun nahin??You people are with malnutrioned brain…You need something…".Then I laughed..GREAT…IT was I who had the last laugh….

Then some brilliant conversation followed…About those stupid mansi verma, PT sir…The same things which had been repeated countlessly over and over again….Great…Revison of old memories…Now I am losing my head…I am going dizzy after writing all this…So I am going to sleep…I know that this would have hurt..But I couldn`t help…I had to tell u this….Because today I was hurt as well..Thanks for sharing my hurt..Good night…