To Hell and back....

Hmmm....A depressing topic to start my first ever blog??May be....But now i am back..its not that depressing anymore u know....So why am I writing this stuff in the first place.??That`s because i had been through a vicious cycle of life and thoughts and i feel that i like to pen it down somewhere because i don`t want to lose the experiences i gained from that.Ha!!So how did i break free from this vicious cycle??This is because three females(two of them friends and one my sweetheart) helped me out of it.Yes...I came back from this deadly cycle within two days!!Now i know i am boring you ppl(if until now u have not changed the page already!!)..So lemme begin about telling you my not so exciting journey of being from hell and back...



So let me tell you how it all began...I was there to join IITK..You know the air one gets when you get into an institute like IIT....So there i was enjoying every moment of my new found adultration and my new found life.Yes Life had never been so beautiful..I always wanted to be in IIT,to make my parents proud,to make myself great and successful..And i felt like the first major step that i had put in that direction just couldn`t get any better...Of course you are in India..And Btech CSE IITK...Without being modest u ppl will have to agree with me on this..It just can`t get any better than this..Yeahh..So there i was--Enjoying the new fresh air in my life..The new shantanu which i always dreamt ,was abt to become a reality..U were on path to become a next bill gates..if not then atleast u had a great successful career in software..Ppl said the same to me."CSE BTECH IITK...No need to do anything now chap..The golden certificate is in your pocket!" some of them used to say...Others said "Son,I always knew that you were born to make it big..Now go for Harvard University..Do MBA frm there and see that u will be on top of world..."..While others wanted me to "go for IAS son..I know only u can do it frm najiababad(that`s a sweet li`l place where i was brought up).."
While some claimed that i am the next child prodigy rising frm a small town..-"Hmmm..St.Mary`s to DPS RKP to IITK...Son u are rising like no one else could..Your life just can`t get better than this.."


So u see life was gud...Sorry,,It was great.Everyone including me expected myself to do great things..And i was happy..I had developed this kind of self-respect for myself as well--"Shantanu you have something...".As this was all not enough,I entered into IIT.Hmmm..Ppl will raise eyebrows about my JEE rank(75).."Great dude..U are under 100"..ppl would say as if that was some kinda benchmark for intellectual excellence.Then everywhere where i went in IIT ppl had seeing me as "75".So I thought--"Boy shantanu u are good even among the IITians..That`s cool..Isn`t it.."Life was again a dream..IIT seemed to me a wonderland-a land where everyone was happy,a land where no one could be unhappy and if someone is unhappy then he doesn`t know how to enjoy life.I presumed that all are happy coz i was.I was like "Only four years in this place!!It is so less...I want more of this place.."So there was the first semester in IIT-I did everything--I played,I slept,I enjoyed...and did what i tht i did best-Studied.!! And i got good marks in all the quizzes,exams,midsems,end-sems....Life was perfect..I got a 9.6 SPI(just missed a 10.0 by a whisker..).The self respect got bigger and bigger..I thought that even in IIT you are doing well as anyone..So u know the future is urs...

You ppl must be thinking by now that the title should have been"From heaven and back..."..But NO!!This is where the Hell begins....

Second Semester IIT KANPUR: I had taken a sociolgy course in my first semester..I hated that course in the beginning..But at the end of the semester i really started thinking about some of the ideas that course gave me---"Why is that Windows is only in english..Now the windows is of course available in hindi..But that`s much later...So aren`t we denying the non-english community their right to use a software.??Is that not a form of Domination??"... and some others like "You are offered a job in GOOGLE and in a tractor company ,both offering same amt of bucks..Which one will you join and why?" Obviously the answer to this question is GOOGLE..but why is a troublesome part because we ppl can`t accept the fact that we love to show off!!
Then I also went to a mall known as RAVE3 here in kanpur.There also i asked ppl questions..There was this well jwelled lady to whom i asked "Ma`m do u believe in caste system.?"
She very maturely said,"Don`t worry kid..We are very educated and we don`t believe in these old fashioned norms.."
me:"That`s gud of you ma`m..Lemme ask one more ques.Do u have servants at home?".

she: "Yes."

me:"Do they eat with you?"

She:"Of course, they have the same food that we have, but you won`t expect us to eat with them on the floor.."

me:" o.k..I don`t expect you to sit with them on ground and have food,but atleast can i expect them to sit with you on table and have food?"
The lady went red!Why can`t she accept that yes,she believed in caste system.To another gentleman i asked,"Sir,Which car do u own?"He said,"Corsa,Opal Corsa." I said,"What`s wrong with a maruti?" He kept saying that he loooked for better power.I said,"Why not a tata sumo then?"..It took him fifteen mins to accept the fact that all he owned optra was for status.I really couldn`t get it that why we ppl can`t accept the basic facts of life?Why do we hesitate to accept something we know, that we do?Is buying a car for satus bad?Is treating your servants like servants really that unhuman?
The other questions included like---"Is Bill gates really a successful man?".Now this was a question which was raised by my teacher in our sociology class..and he sort of prooved that Bill Gates was not a great man..and all he did was to cheat ppl.Now when i first heard that i thought that my teacher was just trying to grab attention by saying these idioic things.It was not really easy for me to listen to someone trying to prove that Bill Gates is no more than a farce(I was a big bill gates fan then..And i wanted to be him!!)...But then the course finished with all these questions....Then i went to my winter breaks for 20 days...(after the first sem..)

After a great first sem in IIT and rather a successful one (as i would have called it.)..I went to home thinking that what a vacation would i have..I will enjoy every moment of my success..But it was never to be....

So there i was at home..I was talking to my dad and then i said "I have to decide at this point in my life that uptil what level i want to rise?"
Dad casually replied.."you don`t have to..Take life as it is..Work hard..and see uptil where you go.."
I said," No..I am not planning to decide my minimum level..but i am trying to decide my maximum level.."

Dad said "what??'

me: Yes Dad..I want to know that suppose i become a next bill gates,then will i be happy being him??Suppose will i become a next dravid,Will i be happy being him??

Dad:You don`t have to worry about that right now....

me:Why not?

Dad:Because you have other better things to think.You can`t just decide your life right now..You have to take life as it comes...

me:No.This has to be decided right now.Because suppose i work hard,i really do..and my aim is to be a next Bill Gates..And then I become one only to realise that i don`t like this life style and that i am not happy being a next Bill Gates.What will happen then??

Dad: O.k..Then what other option you have??Like

Me(Intervening): Like,Is Bill Gates successful?Was Einstien Successful?Is Rahul Dravid Successful?

Dad:Of course..Why not??

Me:O.k...Einstien..Everyone around Einstien was unhappy.He made everyone unhappy.He had three divorces.And he was known as raving lunatic.He didn`t socialise...Was he succesful?Coming to Rahul Dravid, He has been with his family only for 13 days in past 3 years.He really can`t be a great dad doing wht he is??Is he successful?..Coming to Bill Gates, He doesn`t have time for his family...He sleeps only three hrs a day..Is he successful?

Dad:See,everyone has to make a few sacrifices..They made them..but they are successful.

Me:So will u be happy if i become a next einstien and keep u and my wive unhappy?
Dad said nothing.Now i will tell you some part of the other conversation that took place at the same night...

Me:Why is that, that a person belonging to a poor family has less chance of becoming successful than the one born in higher class family?

Dad:Ofcourse due to the obvious reasons..

Me:I know that the diffrences are obvious but what is the fault of the poor born chap??

Dad:Wht do u want me to tell?

Me:I want you to tell that i am not happy with the system.And i want to change it.

Dad:What system?

Me:The system.The way the things happen around us.I want to change that.

Dad:So?

Me:So??Wht So??

Dad:See,O,k..You want to change the system..Change it.But first atleast be in a position to change it.Who are you?Nothing?You have to rise so that you can change the system.

Me:That`s the problem with the system.Those who want to change the system,will have to rise to do it.And those who have risen in the present system are so happy about it that they do not want to change it.!So the point is that i don`t want to rise in this system,because if i do i will never like to change the system.

Dad:These communist karl marx thts won`t work..There is nothing wrong with the system.The world is at it is.The world is going...The world is flowing..You talent lies in the best way u can adapt to the world and show your skill to the world.The problem with u is that u get so easily affected by wht others say to u.

Me:No dad..I am not being affected with wht u r saying to me right now............

For me the last statement required lots of guts and courage to say that..Because i had always respected my dad like anything and I have never ever argued with him on anything.He said it and that`s the way for me.But this night I did.I felt like i was fighting for a cause with my own dad.

And So the discussion went on and on.....My mom suggested me to read communists etc..But NO!!I wanted to do something that no one ever has done....You know something radical...The Above chat with dad was imp for not what i thought and wht he said but for the sheer reason that i learnt to challenge old theories,ideas,and the normal mindset of the world that day!This day many things happened for the first time in my life.